“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.” Kurt Vonnegut

I took a boy/man home from clubbing the other night. It's hard to explain but as a single mum - well lets just say I have needs. I'm not looking for something that means something. I mean I honestly don't have time for that. And the boys (because that's what they are) my age are so dull. Some haven't even graduated from the monosyllabic stage. 

He was a tall boy with an average face and a slightly above average body. He was drunk and all disappointed that he'd lost his sports game (didn't care). 

We met in a bar. We have all been to this bar. The type of bar that you walk into and don't know whether you want to fuck or kill everyone. Anyway he was talking to me and I was ignoring him. But I hadn't got any (sex) in so long that after a couple of Belvedere, cranberry and limes, I was like what the hell let's do this. We made out on the dance floor, tongues and saliva a flurry, in completely different rhythms from, not only each other, but the actual music too. 

We took the party back to my house where we proceeded to disrobe. We were down to underwear (just bottoms) and nothing. 

I'm not bad looking. I've never had this trouble before... We snuggled after we passed out. He snored. I hate snuggling and I despise snoring. 

"I guess that's what they call Love" - anon

There was never a person that I could totally depend on. Not because they weren't dependable.
But because I am not dependable.
To find a dependable person for someone you can't depend on is basically impossible.
You have to find someone that is completely undependable in the exact same way as you are.
So you that you zig and zag at the same time.
You don't have to learn the dance because you both already know it.
It wont make sense to anyone else. It hardly even makes sense to you.
And yet it keeps going. And it's beautiful.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

One day I will be old
My skin will spot and flake
My eyes will cloud and glaze
My lips will curl over my gums

On those days I'll be tired
The sun will hold it's winter cold
for longer
And I will watch life move on without me

Today I am young
And grateful
I look at the world
And I'm a part of it

Most people believe life is short
But they are wrong
Life is long
Every minute filled with beauty
and fear and hope

So when I'm old
My final days fading into
My final nights
I pray you watch me
and know
I was young once
And I lived